With long distance relationships becoming more common, we hear more and more about the various successes and failures that come with the territory. Most of the time this option is not by choice. Careers, school and family are just a few of the factors that keep lovers whispering sweet nothings into phones instead of each other’s ears. But if you think a relationship is doomed because of distance, think again. According to stats compiled by the Center for the Study of Long-Distance Relationships (yes, there really is such a thing), the myth that most long-distance relationships fail is just that: a myth. The reality is that more couples are making it work than you might think. Over one million couples are living in separate U.S. cities today, and another 700,000 LDR couples are actually married.

However LDRs tend to create unique problems of their own, especially when abuse is called into question. Long distance relationships can become abusive just as any other relationship could. A video called “Emotional Consequences of Long-Distance Relationship,” by Dr. Paul Vehorn explains that such relationships are likely to have “neurotic responses.” He explains that this is most likely caused by one or both partners feeling out of control and particularly vulnerable because of the separation.

Beware of the warning signs of emotional abuse. These are the same in long-distance relationships as relationships without any distance, and include name calling, constant and baseless accusations of unfaithfulness, threats, manipulative behaviors, constant calling or texting, and control a partners time isolating them from friends and family.

If you are in a LDR, it is important to be aware of the warning signs of abuse. Long distance relationships can be rewarding and full of love, but the added stresses often put pressure on both partners leading to unknown and unforeseen consequences.

– Meagan Traylor

If you or someone you love is being abused in a long-distance or traditional relationship, please seek help:

[divider] Here are some resources… [/divider]

SPAN 24-hr Crisis and Information Hotline: 303.444.2424

MESA 24-hr Sexual Assault Hotline: 303.443.7300

Safe2Tell hotline: 1(877) 542-7233

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1.866.331.9474

A person may stay with an abuser because they feel that they are personally responsible for that person’s happiness and well being.

If their abuser has other conflicting factors in their life such as a substance abuse problem or an illness the victim may feel it is their duty to aid them in their recovery. Also if their abuser has become physically dependent on them financially or there is a child in the mix the victim may feel obligated to stay as well. 

In this situation…

The important thing to remember is that you are not responsible for anyone’s happiness especially if it sacrifices your own happiness in the process. Relationships are not meant to be co-dependent. They are meant to have balance and benefit both people. There is nothing wrong with wanting to help someone you care about that is struggling, but it shouldn’t be at your expense.

-Madilyn Smith
Silver Creek High School

[divider] Here are some resources… [/divider]

SPAN 24-hr Crisis and Information Hotline: 303.444.2424

MESA 24-hr Sexual Assault Hotline: 303.443.7300

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1.866.331.9474

Control doesn’t always end when a relationship does.

Even after a break up a partner can make attempts to stay in control.

Here are a few examples…

• Constant messaging- texts, calls, etc.
• Begging you to take them back one minute and degrading you and calling you names the next
• Threats to hurt/kill themselves if you break up with them
• Spying on you- whether that be hacking onto your email or actually sitting outside your house

If you or a friend is in this situation the important thing to remember is the difference between actions stemming from a place of love or a place of manipulation. Someone missing you and wanting to be with you does not excuse or justify violating your boundaries.

– Madilyn Smith
Silver Creek High School

[divider] Here are some resources… [/divider]

SPAN 24-hr Crisis and Information Hotline: 303.444.2424
MESA 24-hr Sexual Assault Hotline: 303.443.7300
National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1.866.331.9474

I have learned from my own experience that abuse is not just about physical harm or even simply name calling. Control can run deep in relationships in ways that may go virtually unnoticed. Acts to keep control may be confused with acts of love or affection.

Here are a few examples…

• Wanting to keep in constant contact- texting, calling, etc. and getting upset when you don’t get back to them immediately

• Isolating you from loved ones- making you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with friends or family over spending time with them.

• Wanting you to change- ex. urging you to cut your hair or wear certain clothes because they think you would look best that way.

• These warning signs may be overlooked because they can seem thoughtful in nature, but the important thing is to trust your intuition. If your partner does or says something that feels invasive, or you find yourself losing balance in other areas of your life it may help to give yourself space to reassess the pros and cons of your relationship.

– Madilyn Smith
Silver Creek High School

[divider] Here are some resources…[/divider]

SPAN 24-hr Crisis and Information Hotline: 303.444.2424

MESA 24-hr Sexual Assault Hotline: 303.443.7300

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1.866.331.9474